She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
