walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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