why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
