So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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