If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
