to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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