sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this boner is exhausting
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
