Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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