my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
