matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
