Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
