Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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