You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize