how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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