I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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