A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
