Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
