I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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