what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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