WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
