The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Randomize