i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
