a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
