He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
