She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
