that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
