sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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