new low.... made out with someone while peeing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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