I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want to make out with him forever
did you just send me my own nude
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
