Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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