I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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