i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
