I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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