I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
