I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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