I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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