the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
