Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i have two assholes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
