he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
