i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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