Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
