I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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