I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
