I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
