no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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