Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
