somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
