"it" just moved
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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