i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
