I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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