This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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