Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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