i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
