I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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