Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Soap is not a condiment
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
