Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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