The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
