Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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