I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
