I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize