I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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