Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
