I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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