Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
