Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
