I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
