Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
