Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
