this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize