I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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