I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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